What follows has been submitted anonymously by a community member. Please DO add your thoughts and advice as a comment ❤

My Secret Frustration:

My fiancé's parents dropped a bomb on us last night. They think I should quit my business as a VA and get a job with benefits before the wedding. It was a total sit-down and talk about it thing that took me completely by surprise.

His mom believes it's too much pressure on one person to ‘be the one carrying all the responsibility and connects that to him having benefits and my having none.

I don't make a big income. I have been ‘barely' self-supporting for several years. I never felt comfortable committing to a health insurance premium and they know it.

My fiancé gets tongue-tied around his mom and didn't go far towards defending me. They pushed us to agree to think about it and he basically said we would. He told me later he likes me working at home though.

I do not want to get a job! I want to use this as motivation to push myself to make more money. Any advice for sweetly declining their input?

-Marrying Into Other People's Opinions

Helpful & Encouraging Responses From The Community:

Christina Lemmey of Multi-Media Content Solutions shares…

So long as your job makes YOU and your fiance happy, that's all that matters.

As parents, I'm sure they're worried about their son being pressured to provide for both of you, but again, it's YOUR decision together, not there's.

Could it be that they don't fully understand what you do from home? My parents, husband, and kids all struggled with figuring out what I actually did on the computer all day for quite a while. I swear my kids thought I did nothing but play computer games. Maybe offer to give them a quick lesson in what you do and show how it's valuable to you and your fiance.

Good luck!

Thoughts From Kelly

Not being married myself, I'll steer clear of the thoughts I have about the way your fiance chickened out in the conversation ;)

From an entrepreneurial point of view, we think differently about income and risk than those who've held a job all their lives. They can't imagine not knowing  what's coming in from week to week.  You can acknowledge their concerns without buying into them for yourself.

I love that their questions are inspiring you to make your business more successful. For a true entrepreneur, push back like this is great fuel for the fire ❤

You can learn more about my coaching options here.

We all have secret frustrations and I invite you to share yours. Submit your anonymous question, comment or story here.

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  1. I would discuss it with my future husband and no one else. Period.

    Businesses take time to build but you said you’ve been barely making it for years. Time to get super serious about where you’re putting your effort.

  2. Running a business from home always seems to be an open invitation for people to offer their opinions on how you should run your life. When it comes to family members offering those opinions it definitely can get tense.

    This is definitely a decision that needs to be discussed between the couple and not family members.

    I agree with what has already been said, in that if the future husband is having a difficult time standing up to his mom to support his future bride, that’s a sign of caution for sure. Seek counsel before tying the knot.

    I encourage anonymous to follow through with her motivation to make a change and build her business as long as she and her future hubby are in agreement. But, clear boundaries for family commentary both privately and at family functions need to be clearly defined.

  3. I’ve been running my online business since 2006 and I still get (unsolicited & unwanted) opinions from others about it being a hobby, not real income, and I’d be better off going and getting a J-O-B. I shared that to say, like Lynn mentioned in her comment, running a business from home seems to always be an invitation for others to share their opinions with you about it.

    It’s kind of crummy your fiance didn’t take a stand with his parents (mom specifically it sounds like). It’s none of their business and they overstepped aa serious boundary (in my not so humble opinion lol) by telling you guys you need to consider you getting a job.

    You stated your fiance likes you working from home. So that says it all right there. There should be nothing to consider. Period. And he should have said that to his mom!

  4. Ultimately, you and your fiance get to decide what works best for your finances. While you can’t stop others from expressing their opinions, you can let them know your own boundaries.

  5. I am going to add my voice to the choir to say this: begin as you intend to go on. How you handle this will set a tone and a way of being in relationship with not only your fiancée but his ‘rents. Be thoughtful. Be intentional. TALK to each other! Share what you are feeling with your fiancée and work together towards a mutually beneficial and respectful united front that you then present to his parents.

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